Okay…

How ’bout I just go back to Florida now? K bye.

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To: Kat

Dear Kat,

What’s one of my favorite childhood memories? I have to think about this one… I actually remember a lot, but only bits and pieces. So there are lots of bits and pieces. haha I actually have tons of memories with the “Clock” boy… But I think I’m gonna choose something different…

First of all, I’m not sure if this story is mixed from different days, or if it is from the same day. Like I said, bits and pieces… Okay, here goes.

I was ten. It was summer. 2007, maybe? We were in the backyard. My uncle was teaching me how to play football. Well, him teaching me was a much earlier memory; from one of the first times he visited our house with my aunt. But he taught me how to throw and catch a football. He taught Grace and Kelsie too. Even when he wasn’t there, we’d toss the football around all the time. I remember one summer night Grace and I were playing catch and it was getting dark out, but the night was lit with the baseball lights across the street. Grace and I would count how many times we could catch it before we dropped it. I just remember that night, thinking I wanted to do this every summer…

Anyway. Back to my story. We were playing catch. Probably One-Thousand, that game where you yell out points and whoever catches it gets those points. This next part may seem like a little insignificant thing, but it’s vivid in my mind because I was impressed. As we were playing catch with my uncle, some boy was walking by on the sidewalk alone. My uncle called out to him and they passed the football back and forth for a bit until he was too far away. That might seem weird… Everyone around was laughing, but I remember silently watching. I seriously thought my uncle was the coolest ever.

After that (this may be from a different day), as we were playing catch, I guess one of my sisters was being mean, I can’t remember exactly what it was, but I ran up to my room crying. I hid under my bed and cried, not wanting to see anyone. But my uncle came upstairs, laid on the floor and talked to me, trying to make him feel better. He came when no one else did. And I am forever grateful that he did that.

I feel like I’m not doing a very good job at answering your question… Because there isn’t just one specific one. Sorry! I know for sure that this next thing is from a different day. Again, we were playing catch in the backyard. I’m pretty sure it was my uncle that accidentally threw it over the fence into our neighbors yard. Well the neighbors had a dog, and it was our red and black foam football that had gone over. Back then I was terrified of dogs. I was a baby. They scared me so much. So most of the time I was too scared to look over the fence. But Mowgli, the dog, was tearing our poor football apart. We all stood on the bricks around the garden to look over the fence at it. My uncle tried to get it to stop, but I remember Mowgli with the football in his mouth, shaking his head back and forth, looking up at my uncle. Not only was I afraid of the dog, but I was distraught at the fact that our precious football was being demolished. So my uncle took me to the store and we got a new one that looked just like it.

I still have that football today, but I don’t use it. It’s really special to me… It reminds me of playing catch in the backyard, and also I think of how my uncle always made me feel better.

I’m sorry if this is lame. It’s hard to think of one thing… Well since you asked me, I guess I’m asking you now: What’s your favorite childhood memory?

Love, Me

Good Things #7

1. It’s CHRISTMAS!

2. I got a camera today… Nothin’ fancy, but now I can take and have my very own photos… with my very own camera!

3. I had the best time of my life in Florida. We got back yesterday… I miss it!

4. I finally get to hang out with my friends tomorrow.

5. I love Spiderman. I love Spiderman. I love Spiderman. I love Spiderman. I love Spiderman. I love Spiderman. I love Spiderman. I love Spiderman. I love Spiderman. I love Spiderman. I love Spiderman. I love Spiderman.

6. I love lazy days where I sit around in my pajamas and basically eat food and do whatever else I want.

7. I’m proud of myself for deleting my voicemail and answered calls. That makes it official… Ha.

8. The Christmas Eve Dinner and the Christmas Morning Breakfast we have every year are probably the best meals ever in my entire life.

9. As a part of Christmas, my family wrote a letter to each family member. I seriously almost cried when I read them. My family is so fantastic and I am so so so glad that I can be with them forever. ♥

10. I love socks.

Maybe someday I could be a photographer..?

Florida was amazing. Better than I ever expected! If you would like to hear about my trip, just ask me about it; I’ve got plenty of stories!

Okay, I seriously can’t get over how cute my cousins are. They’re adorable!! Take a look:

griffgriffgriff

This is Griffin. My stud of a cousin. He’s growing so fast! I love this kid. Even though sometimes he punches my camera and tells me I’m not his best friend anymore… But he makes up for all of that when he whispers to me the night before we head back to Utah that he’s gonna miss me. You might think this picture is a little weird… My sister said it looks like it’s from a magazine. Is that I good thing? I dunno. haha But I like it. I think it looks cool…

maemae

This is Maelie. Doesn’t she have the prettiest blue eyes? Yeah, I think so. She is so cute. She will be such a gorgeous girl when she grows up! Not that she isn’t now. My MaeMae gave me lots of memories on our trip to Florida. Listening to music in the bathroom, playing with her favorite toy “Seahorse”, and taking LOTS of photos. This little sweetheart is so much fun! And she has the cutest laugh ever. I love her!

reecie

This is Reece. She is such an adorable baby! I keep trying to come up with other words to describe these kids besides adorable, cute, and beautiful… but nothing comes to mind! How about, good-looking? haha Well anyway… Reecie is such a happy girl! And well, cute! She makes my heart melt. I love this little angel.

griffreecemae

Yeah, I know. I was right. ADORABLE. These children are perfect.

You are worth it.

Suicide.

That word scares me. It terrifies me. I don’t understand why some people joke about it. I don’t like it when people hold their hand up to their head like it’s a gun when they’re upset about something. I hate the fact that people don’t take it seriously. But maybe it’s just cause they don’t understand.

But what confuses me most is why you would do that to yourself. Why would you want to hurt yourself? Why would you want to end your life? Sometimes it’s not their fault. Sometimes people are blinded by depression, drugs, and other things along those lines. As I think about it today… People that commit suicide… maybe they think it’s best that they’re gone, maybe they’re just so miserable they can’t stand it anymore, maybe their life is already spiraling downward and they can’t find a way out of the hole they dug so deep. But no matter what the reason, there are so many that are affected by one person committing suicide. Even if that person feels that they are alone. There are family members, friends, coworkers, neighbors… So many people feel the pain and sorrow of one death. Why would a person leave, knowing that they would hurt so many others? It’s different when it was an accident, but when it was intentional… It hurts worse. You think of what you could have done to help that person, what you did or didn’t say that might have changed their mind. What life would be like if they were still here. If they were okay…

It was a Friday night. We had friends over that night for what we called playgroup. I was ten years old. Things seemed a little weird that night. My mom was upstairs crying when my friends were over, and my dad was really quiet. I didn’t know what was wrong. After the kids left, my parents gathered me and my siblings around in the living room. We sat there looking expectantly at my dad. And then he told us… My uncle was gone. I was devastated. How could he leave me? He was my best friend. Tears ran down my face. I couldn’t believe it. How could he leave me? That question kept playing over and over in my head. I remember staring at my little sister as I cried. She was too young to understand. She was laying on the floor rocking herself to sleep as we all cried… I don’t think I ever cried more in my life.

The funeral was hard. We walked into the church building and down the hall to the room where he was. Right as we walked in, his mom was there. She came over to me, hugged me tight, and through her tears, she said, “He loved you so much.” Then why did he leave me?! I couldn’t look at him. My entire being longed for him to sit up, smile and say everything was okay. I couldn’t believe he was dead. My best friend, just gone. Just all of a sudden, gone. He was my everything.

Today… it’s like the wound has been reopened. My mom’s cousin… he’s gone now. It scares me to think, I knew him. He made some bad decisions and I guess it seemed like a way out for him. His last words were spoken over the phone: “I love you, Dad.” It’s sad to think of how his family is right now. His dad is in a lot of pain. His sister has nobody. It’s just hard for me to understand how someone could just leave… But he is in heaven. They both are. I believe that. And I am so grateful that I have that knowledge. If all I believed was that death was the end, this life would be so much harder.

To anyone reading this, you are worth it. Every life is. There is no life that should be ended on one’s own account. There are people here on this earth that love you, and care about you, they would never want you to leave. Most importantly, there is God. God loves you more than anyone else in the entire universe. His love is incomprehensible. He wants you here on this earth for a reason. Yes, you have a purpose. You are a beloved Child of God. He loves you. Shouldn’t that be enough to stay? He can get you through it, I promise. If you will only turn to Him…

You are worth it.

Sometimes I complain about being sick…

I’m sick. I hate being sick. Who doesn’t? It’s the worst. And what’s worse is that I feel like I have three sicknesses at the same time.

On the morning of my choir concert, I woke up with a sore throat. It wasn’t that bad. We had an early morning practice that lasted one hour, then at the end of the day we had our class, which is an hour and a half, and then we had to stay after school for another hour. All of this time was spent singing. Not to mention the time we sang at the actual concert. I was singing as loud as I could, because even on the day of our concert, some of the sopranos don’t know what they’re doing…

The next morning, my throat hurt a lot worse than it did the day previous, but it wasn’t bad enough to really complain. But when I talked, my voice cracked sometimes. I thought it was funny, and so did my friends, so I talked a lot that day. Big mistake. The day after that, my voice was worse. I could still talk, but it was quieter and it cracked a lot more. This was the first day I could not sing. I tried so hard, but my voice would not let me. It made me really mad. The day after that, my voice got worse. And yesterday, my throat hurt more than ever. I could hardly speak at all. I avoided making any noises. I mimed my way through lunch with my friends. They thought it was funny, but I was actually really frustrated. After school I got my voice back. What do ya know? I still couldn’t sing, as much as I tried.

This morning was the worst. I woke up with my throat burning and my nose was super stuffy. Before the only problem I’d had was with my throat, now all the sudden my nose? Fantastic. Well I got up to take a shower, a really long hot shower. As I was getting ready, I felt nauseous. Sure enough. I threw up. Twice. Throwing up is my weakness. I hate it more than anything. It is only thing that will keep me away from school… So here I am sitting at home. And guess what? Today is a blue day… The day I have all of my honors classes. Blast. I hate being behind in school. This is actually the first day I’ve missed. On the last week of school, c’mon! When I have so much to do! Taking a day off is not what I was planning on. Bleh. I get so angry at myself for missing school…

Hopefully tomorrow I will be better. I’m done with being sick. Since the first signs of my sore throat, it’s gotten worse by each day. What will happen tomorrow? Hopefully the opposite. I want to get better! I want to be able to sing… I guess I take my voice for granted. I’ve never lost my voice entirely. But now that I have, I know that it sure is a pain. What on earth would I do if I couldn’t talk for the rest of my life? I can’t even think about what I would do without being able to sing. Singing is like, everything. It’s been killing me that I can’t sing. It’s horrible.

Well I think I’ll go take a nap now… Bye.

My best friends.

Friendship. What is it? The dictionary says that a friend is “a person whom one knows and with whom has a bond of mutual affection…” No. The dictionary doesn’t do the word justice. Friendship is a lot more than knowing someone and liking them. Friendship is caring for someone more than you thought you could. A friend in someone you trust, someone you confide in. Friendship is going through tough times together, but always making it through. No matter what you do wrong, that friend still loves you and doesn’t abandon you. Friendship is loyalty. It is real, and if you’re lucky enough, it lasts a long time.

A few of the friends I have today I have known since even before Kindergarten, but not until the end of elementary and the beginning of Jr. High did we really become friends. Those friends are the greatest. Well, all of my friends are… But I’ve been thinking a lot recently… The cold weather brings back memories of last winter… And I realize that those two friends I’ve known forever have been through a lot with me. We’ve been through a lot individually and together. But what’s interesting is that one thing that affects one of us affects all of us in some way. What’s amazing to me is that we are still friends. Everything we have gone through together… I think that has made us stronger.

What’s crazy to me is that I have made so many mistakes, and yet they still love me. They tell me that I’m perfect. They tell me I’m amazing. Who am I to deserve that, with all the wrong things that I have done? But then I think, they’ve made mistakes too. But I still love them. They are still my best friends. Always. None of us are perfect. But we are friends that think of each other as perfection. We see more of what’s good in each other, because we love each other. This is when I know that friendship is love. The dictionary obviously doesn’t know that. I love my friends more than anything. I would honestly do anything for them. I hope that I am a good enough friend as they are to me. ♥

I am honestly so blessed with what I have. I don’t deserve any of it. I got lucky I guess…

wearebestfriends

I love you guys.

Good Things #6

1. It’s December! I absolutely love the winter and the snow… And everything else that comes with it!

2. My little sister and I made a video of us singing. She is so cute… And so talented! I love her.

3. I’m really looking forward to making presents for my friends, cause I think they’ll actually be good…

4. I am so glad that I’m done with my tree for Festival of Lights. Even though it was really fun making the ornaments.

5. I have the most amazing best friend ever cause she woke up early for me this morning.

6. I love short days.

7. Someone who never talks to me said hi to me today. And he even sounded friendly. Wow.

8. It makes me really happy when people give me fudge during lunch.

9. I’M SO EXCITED TO GO TO FLORIDA! 16 days! My aunt texted me and told me that my little cousin kept making her play my video over and over again. It made my day. (: I can’t wait to see my cousins!

10. I love sweatshirts.