I wish I was better.

Sorry I haven’t written in forever. Whatevs.

This summer has been fantastic. Really good. Trek was way better than I thought it would be, and I learned so much. My trip to Idaho was one of the greatest things ever. For the most part, I’ve been pretty happy these past couple months. I love it! But then I look around for a minute. Some people aren’t happy. Some of those people are kids that I really love a lot. And I think… is this my fault?

I really feel like I have failed at being a good friend. Even with the kids I’m with the most. I’m selfish, and I only think about what I want, not about others’ needs and problems. I’ve left people out without realizing it, and that is a huge mistake. Sometimes I feel like I’ve become distant with some of my friends that I’ve been close to for years… and I wonder if they talk about me when I’m not there. I worry that I’m not good enough, due to my actions, and they’d rather not have me as a friend. But still, they show me kindness. I don’t get it sometimes. But they’re fantastic. I don’t deserve the amazing people I have in my life…

Still, I have so much to work on. I wish that I wasn’t “intimidating”, or thought to be “too cool”. I wish that I had never made anyone feel that way. I wish I was approachable, and friendly, and a person everyone was comfortable to be around and talk to, even if we hardly knew each other. I wish I was better at reaching out to those who need help. I wish I was more confident in being able to keep up a conversation with somebody. I wish I was more selfless and aware of others. I wish I was a better friend. I wish I could make everyone feel good about themselves. I wish all of my friends could be happy. I wish I was better. I want to be better.

I’m so sorry for the pain I’ve caused. I hope I can make it up to you guys soon. Love you all.