My little cousin was hiding in the corner cause her mom said it was bedtime. I didn’t think that I could help much, but I went to talk to her to try to convince her to go to bed. I sat in the corner with her and asked her if she was gonna sleep tonight. The idea that she was going to sleep in her grandma’s big bed got her excited. I helped her brush her teeth and then we quietly walked upstairs to Grandma’s room. We had to be reeeaallly quiet cause her little sister was already asleep in there in her crib. We took the pillows off the bed and pulled the covers down. I laid her down and she asked me to sing “Rudolf” with her… we whispered the song together. I was about to leave and looked down to say goodnight. Her lips were puckered up so I leaned down and she kissed my cheek…
Those are moments that matter… Things like that make life all the better.
I can’t sleep. Too many thoughts are running through my head. Sometimes it’s good to think a lot though… Gotta clear my head, ya know?
Some thoughts are happy. Happy memories that make me smile. For instance, homecoming or chick pick. It’s crazy how I discovered that I love school dances, when I don’t even like dancing… Apparently I like dancing a little bit though. I like feeling pretty and being around fun people… Yeah, those are happy memories.
Some thoughts are scary. Maybe these are the ones that are keeping me awake. I tend to make up scenarios in my head of things that probably won’t ever happen, but then my mind gets all worked up about it. I just need to face reality, but sometimes that’s scary too.
Some thoughts are repeated over and over in my head. I think of these things a lot. Trying to reconstruct myself into the person I want to be; trying to convince myself that some things are right, when I know for a fact that they are wrong. Making up things that I know would never happen; getting my hopes up. But most of all, I think of the future. I could be awake for hours thinking of what is to come.
Really though… Does that matter? I need to stop worrying, live in the moment, and enjoy it. I need to stop questioning every little thing and trust. Trust in God. Who cares if that customer left me a mean note; I was doing my best working the shift alone. Who cares if that boy doesn’t like me; it’s just silly little high school. Who cares if I don’t know what’s gonna happen to me in five years. What matters is right now. It’s what I do now that determines my future. What matters is that I know my Heavenly Father is real. What matters is that He loves me more than anyone else and He thinks I’m beautiful. I shouldn’t dwell too much on negative thoughts. Just happy things, things that will get me in the right direction.
Writing really helps me… I feel more at peace, I guess you could say. But I think it’s time to stop. And just so you know, despite all these crazy thoughts, life is wonderful. Don’t worry. :)
1. I looooove snow.
2. It’s Christmas break! No school for two weeks!
3. I’m going to my Graham’s house tomorrow.
4. My friends are awesome and come visit me when I’m at work.
5. Being sixteen is fun… when I’m driving or when I’m on a date! hahaha
6. I like staying up late… (It’s almost 2 AM right now…)
7. I guess ShaeLyn likes staying up too, cause we just had a great conversation on Facebook a few minutes ago. ;) I love her sooo much.
8. I am so so so grateful for missionaries.
9. Eyes… Ahh.
10. Being called beautiful is a wonderful thing…
I love snow. A lot. It’s the best when it’s dark outside and the snow falls, and besides an occasional car passing by, it’s silent. It’s the best when the street lights brighten up the night and the flakes of snow are that much more visible. I like what snow brings. I like the Christmas lights. I like wearing sweaters and coats and hats. I like how my glasses get fogged up when I’m drinking hot chocolate. I like reading by the fireplace in the rocking chair. I like visiting family. I like staying up late watching movies. I like sitting downstairs with every light off except for the ones on the Christmas tree. I like my warm bed and blankets and pillows. I like long socks. I like boots. I like Christmas music. I like watching my breath when I’m standing outside. I like the white sky. I like getting presents for all of the people I care about. I like finding ways to serve others. I like the smell of Christmas. I like the peace winter brings, even when the holiday season is sometimes hectic. I like how throughout all of December, I am reminded of the reason we have Christmas; I am reminded of my Savior. I especially like winter this year because I like how happy I am. I like life. A lot.