I can’t sleep. Too many thoughts are running through my head. Sometimes it’s good to think a lot though… Gotta clear my head, ya know?
Some thoughts are happy. Happy memories that make me smile. For instance, homecoming or chick pick. It’s crazy how I discovered that I love school dances, when I don’t even like dancing… Apparently I like dancing a little bit though. I like feeling pretty and being around fun people… Yeah, those are happy memories.
Some thoughts are scary. Maybe these are the ones that are keeping me awake. I tend to make up scenarios in my head of things that probably won’t ever happen, but then my mind gets all worked up about it. I just need to face reality, but sometimes that’s scary too.
Some thoughts are repeated over and over in my head. I think of these things a lot. Trying to reconstruct myself into the person I want to be; trying to convince myself that some things are right, when I know for a fact that they are wrong. Making up things that I know would never happen; getting my hopes up. But most of all, I think of the future. I could be awake for hours thinking of what is to come.
Really though… Does that matter? I need to stop worrying, live in the moment, and enjoy it. I need to stop questioning every little thing and trust. Trust in God. Who cares if that customer left me a mean note; I was doing my best working the shift alone. Who cares if that boy doesn’t like me; it’s just silly little high school. Who cares if I don’t know what’s gonna happen to me in five years. What matters is right now. It’s what I do now that determines my future. What matters is that I know my Heavenly Father is real. What matters is that He loves me more than anyone else and He thinks I’m beautiful. I shouldn’t dwell too much on negative thoughts. Just happy things, things that will get me in the right direction.
Writing really helps me… I feel more at peace, I guess you could say. But I think it’s time to stop. And just so you know, despite all these crazy thoughts, life is wonderful. Don’t worry. :)