With feeling

“How unfair it’s just our luck
Found something real that’s out of touch
But if you’d searched the whole wide world
Would you dare to let it go?”

One week.

Good Things #26

1. Tonight Aaron and I didn’t want to go to the drive-in so we went to my house and sat in the living room and talked while my parents made dinner and then we all ate together and told stories and laughed a ton and it felt like how a family dinner should feel like. Aaron even seemed comfortable and that made me so happy cause I always thought he was intimidated by my parents. Ha. But it was just so great. I love Aaron cause when he knows I’m upset he doesn’t bug me about why I am, he just cheers me up. I love that no matter how stupid I am (and I know he knows how stupid I am), he’s still my best friend. I love that he came over tonight and hung out with my family. That was seriously the coolest thing…

Yeah, that’s all the good things.

K… Nighty night.

11:50 PM

I love Spiderman and Gwen and the music that plays whenever they’re in a scene with just the two of them. I’m totally pretending I know myself and writing the most random essay all about me for this thing called a pageant. Like, what even is that? Stressed. Stats is hard. I should start my homework. Gotta wake up in 4 hours and 52 minutes. Hoping I can find a dress that’s long enough and comfortable. Wishing I had thicker hair. My back hurts from sitting against this wall so long. Today my mom told me this: “The more you hide from the world, the less influence you’ll have on it.” I enjoy frooties. If I didn’t have to go to school that’d be cool. Why is Cross Country in my essay about myself? I don’t even run! I wish my hands weren’t so veiny, my veins stick out so blue. Ew. Pictures are cute. Boys that concentrate really hard when they sing are cute. Texting old friends is refreshing. Tired. So so tired. I want to watch Spiderman 2 but I have work tomorrow night. Maybe I’m just anti-social, but work is an excuse for me to not go to the football games… they are always hard for me. I really really like my ring. Peter and Gwen, Peter and Gwen, Peter and Gwen. Phone calls should happen wayyy more often than they do. After not talking for a long time, a phone call was the most perfect thing ever for me. The problem with me is that I remember everything, like literally everything, and then when the person I’m talking to doesn’t remember, I feel like they don’t care enough to remember, but really I just need to remind myself that I remember like literally everything and they don’t, even if it’s something I think is really memorable. Why am I blogging when I have an essay to write… about myself… Who even am I?? A girl. An Abbey. A SENIOR. Music is uplifting. I still can’t get enough of Wicked. My journal has been neglected. My back hurts, but I already said that. Time to finish I guess. Bye.

Give & Take

Give and take–there’s a certain balance. For example… missionary work is 100% give–you give your two years entirely to the Lord. Another example… prostitution is 100% take. I was talking to a friend of mine, and he was thinking of where marriage would fit on the give and take scale; he thought it’d be 50/50. He asked his mom what she thought it would be and she said it was 100% give 100% take on both sides. Both the husband and the wife have to GIVE that 100% and take that 100% that the other gives… Make sense? You can’t take something from your spouse without giving something back in return. That’s marriage, that’s love, that’s how it works.

So my friend and I are talking, and we ask, what are high school relationships? We decided the percentage is higher in the “take” category. All it is is taking. That boy doesn’t hold that girl’s hand just cause he wants to make her feel loved and special… the main reason is cause it feels good and he likes it. It makes him feel good. High school kids don’t give hugs, they take hugs. It’s a lot about the natural man (Mosiah 3:19) and instant gratification.

Do these high school couples really care about each other or do they just care about the feelings they get from hugging, holding hands, kissing, etc? If it’s all taking for pleasure, for satisfaction, if that boy would be perfectly fine holding hands or hugging or kissing anyone else, then it must be all about taking.

DISCLAIMER: I’m not saying every kid in high school is like this. I mean, I know some super fantastic kids that give and serve and love one another. The world isn’t totally insane. :)

Anyway……. If most of high school relationships are about taking, then where do we as teenagers learn to give? We want things, we like feelings, but how can we care without just taking? How can we give 100%? How will we be ready for marriage, to be able to give our all and take all that they give, to work side by side unselfishly and full of love…?

I know that high school doesn’t last. Some friendships don’t last, and that scares me… I want them to. Even after high school, I could fall in love, but would that last? How could a boy love me enough to want me forever? All I’ve known is there are always better and prettier girls for the boys I’ve liked to take interest in. That’s all high school has shown me when it comes to “relationships”. But that’s just high school I guess. Just taking what you want, thinking of no future, no consequence.

We shouldn’t take things from other people… Just give.

Blessings of the Temple


I am soooo excited for what’s coming in seminary this week! The morningside was perfect… Now tomorrow and Friday are gonna be AWESOME!! I love the temple!!!! You will see why very soon my Stansbury friends. :) :) :)